April Fool’s Day Hoaxes/Friday Funnies/April Days
- SPAGHETTI HARVEST – Bogus item on 1957 BBC news show Panorama. Viewers seeking advice on growing their own were told to put spaghetti sprig in tin of tomato sauce.
- SAN SERRIFFE – Guardian newspaper published seven-page supplement celebrating the Indian Ocean republic. Its two main islands were Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse, and its capital was Bodoni.
- PI IN THE SKY – New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter said fundamentalist Alabama State lawmakers had cut maths concept pi from 3.1415 etc. to "biblical value" 3.0.
- TASMANIAN ROCK WALRUS – Floridans rushed to buy these new "pets" after newspaper reports that they looked like a walrus, purred like a cat, had the temperature of a hamster and ate c*ckroaches.
- WHISTLING CARROTS – British supermarket chain Tesco advertised new GM vegetables with special tapered air holes that whistled when the carrots were fully cooked.
- KIWI WASP SCARE – New Zealand DJ told listeners to tuck trousers in socks and set honey-baited traps outside their front doors because a mile-wide swarm of wasps was headed for Auckland.
- TURNING JAPANESE – English-language newspaper produced a special "Not the Japan Times", featuring story of a Japanese politician under scrutiny for not taking bribes.
- PHONE SEX – A German newspaper reported separate phone kiosks would be introduced for men and women because women stayed longer.
- SOMETHING FISHY – ABC’s This Day Tonight trialled special Japanese rod and reel that enabled anglers to catch the fish of their choice by calling up its number on a dial.
- SMELLOVISION – Breakthrough invention demonstrated, by brewing coffee and chopping onions, on BBC in 1965.
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young man, we’re both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.
The reason Congressmen try so hard to get reelected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Note: This one needs to be repeated.
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?" "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?"
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said, "I do!"A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to
come back to his hotel. When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you ever made love to?" She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might be," she says. "Your face looks familiar."A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What’s wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."